• Internet Tendency
  • The Store
  • Books Division
  • Quarterly Concern
  • The Believer
  • Donate
McSweeney’s
Internet Tendency
Daily humor almost every day since 1998.
Daily humor almost every day since 1998.
Limited edition silk screens from Dave Eggers

All sales benefit the new International Library of Youth Writing!
Purchase your own unique work of art, with more being added all the time.

March 9, 2023

Greeting Cards for Newly Tenured Professors

by Ryan Weber

 

  • Professional Tenure
  • Teachers
  • Higher Ed
  • Professors
  • Universities
  • College
  • Greeting Cards
Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron.
Become a patron
Subscribe to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s Substack
Subscribe to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s Newsletter
➤

An Open Letter to the Month of March

➤

The NYPD’s Right-of-Way Regulations for Bike Lanes

Suggested Reads
  • August 27, 2010
    College Writing Class Assignments with Real World Applications
    by Cameron Dodd
  • June 24, 2002
    Final Sentences of Essays I Wrote in College
    by Brian McMullen
  • January 24, 2005
    Welcome to Cancún!
    by Teddy Wayne
  • April 22, 2025
    Frat Party University Will Not Comply with the Trump Administration’s Demands
    by Charlie Dektar
Trending 🔥
  1. May 28, 2025
    test
    by The Editors of McSweeney’s
  2. July 23, 2019
    Death of a Music Man
    by Nick Hornedo
  3. May 5, 2025
    Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
    by Emily Greenberg and Cliff Mayotte
  4. May 16, 2025
    Excerpts from The Believer: Ask Carrie, Spring 2025
    by Carrie Brownstein
Recently
  • May 22, 2025
    This Isn’t the Future We at Dippin’ Dots Envisioned
    by Rachel Koren
  • May 22, 2025
    Reviews of New Food: Skittles POP’d Freeze Dried Candy
    by John Warner
  • May 21, 2025
    Hope Is the Thing with Funding—and We’re Yanking Yours
    by S.M. Strand
  • May 21, 2025
    I Am Your Surgeon, and I Will Be Wearing This Hat
    by Eric Bressman
McSweeney’s is an independent nonprofit publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, Illustoria and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. You can support us today by making a donation.

We are committed to our environment. Each year, we purchase carbon offsets commensurate with our estimate of the impact of the printing, shipping, and travel necessary to publish our books and magazines. We are continually working to minimize our impact on the planet by examining every business decision through a lens of sustainability. To support this effort, or to learn more, please write to executive director Amanda Uhle.
  • Internet Tendency
  • The Store
  • Books Division
  • Quarterly Concern
  • The Believer
  • Donate
  • About Us
  • Events
  • Email Newsletter
  • Advertise
  • Store Policy
  • Contact Us
  • Internships
  • Submission Guidelines
Copyright © 1998–2025, McSweeney’s Literary Arts Fund.
All Rights Reserved.
Search Magnifying Glass
  • Internet Tendency
  • The Store
  • Books Division
  • Quarterly Concern
  • The Believer
  • Donate